Saturday, March 23, 2013

Shaun Alexander set for NFL comeback

According to multiple sources, former Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander is hard at work planning his 2013 NFL comeback. A former league MVP back in 2005, Alexander is notable for setting multiple rushing records behind one of the finest offensive lines ever assembled, signing a huge multi-year contract, and then being released halfway through 2007 for being bad at football.

Shaun's agent claims that his client's ballerina-like running style perfectly suits the new-look NFL, whose members recently introduced the controversial Crown of the Helmet Rule which expressly prohibits an offensive player - who is down the field three yards or more - from delivering a blow with the top or "crown" of the helmet.

"My training has gone up to a level where I'm as strong and explosive as I've ever been right now," he's quoted as saying, "and the penalties I'm not getting, with this new rule, ought to amount to enough relative positive yardage that hopefully I should be able make the Pro Bowl again this year. I really miss the Pro Bowl." 

Houston and New England have reportedly already tabled modest offers, but Alexander is biding his time, and while there's no shortage of suitors don't be surprised if you see him land back in Seattle with his old team, sporting one of the stylish new Seahawks jerseys. 

Yesterday he reportedly arrived via big-yellow-float-plane at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center along the emerald shores of Lake Union in Seattle. In case you've never heard of it, the VMAC is a state of the art training facility  built in 2008 with Paul Allen's money. It has really big hot tubs.

John Schneider and Pete Carroll have spared little expense in their attempts to woo the suddenly red-hot Alexander. However, with Seattle's tenuous cap situation (after big free-agent additions Percy Harvin and Cliff Avril) don't be surprised when the Hawks attempt to move their 2012 Pro Bowl running back Marshawn Lynch, whose stock has been dropping fast ever since news of the totally fabulous Crown of the Helmet Rule arrived last week.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. This has got to be the dumbest thing i hav ever read

  3. Mr. Madison, what you've just said ... is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul...

  4. This would be even funnier if the point it makes were less serious. What the hell was the NFL thinking? "Crown of the Helmet?" This rule is directed at Marshawn Lynch because the league always has, and always will hate Seattle. Bastards.